I hope when you discover that a person you meet served in the military you always thank them for their service. But then what do you say? Like anything in which you associate yourself, it has a unique culture – ideals, standards, rituals, and even language – the military is no different. For those of us who have never served, we don’t need to know, nor do our veteran friends expect us to know, the details of expertise, rank and mission, but in order to better bridge the gap between yourself and veterans in your life, there are several things we can know and understand in order to show military cultural awareness and sincere empathy and gratitude.
PsychArmor Institute asked hundreds of veterans what they wanted civilians, employers, educators, health care providers, and therapists to know about them. To promote greater understanding of our veterans, I’d like to summarize their top fifteen responses with you.
1) They are not all soldiers – While many people, including the media, talk about military personnel as “soldiers” as a general term. This isn’t correct – “soldiers” are only in the Army. Although they all belong to the same team, military people are proud of their specific service branch. Knowing that the five branches of the armed forces are uniquely important, even if you don’t know the specifics, is key.
2) Reserves are a part of the military – Members of the reserves, who are seen in every branch, stay trained and ready to be called up when needed. They train one weekend per month and two weeks per year, but when not in uniform, they work in a civilian job in their own community.
3) Not everyone in the military is infantry – The range of careers in the military is vast and extremely diverse. Jobs range from mechanics, cooks, pilots and musicians to doctors, weapons specialists, military police, firefighters, air traffic controllers and thousands more job titles. Regardless of their MOS (Military Occupational Specialty), their skills, in combination with their leadership experience and self-discipline, make them highly sought-after employees in civilian workforce.
4) They are always on duty – In the military, there are no days off. Even when on scheduled and approved leave, they have to be in the position to return to post, when called.
5) They have leaders at every level in the chain of command – Those who wear the uniform have a heightened sense of responsibility for others and accountability to others. Strong leadership is a foundation in their culture and is expected.
6) They take pride in their appearance, conduct and physical fitness – Even out of uniform they are held to a standard. Physical fitness matters in a real way. When they are called, they are responsible for fulfilling that mission. Moreover, all in military service are held to a standard called the Code of Military Justice.
7) Not all in the military have killed someone and those who have do not want to talk about it – even if you are curious – don’t ask, ever.
8) They do not all have PTSD – There is a general misconception that all who deploy to combat develop PTSD. This is not true! Some develop symptoms, however while combat can be traumatic, it can also lead to great moments of reward and friendship.
9) Those who have invisible wounds are not dangerous or violent – Invisible wounds of combat are real injuries and cause real suffering. They deserve the same respect and treatment as physical injuries.
10) It is hard for those in the military to ask for help. – The military culture is rooted in service, sacrifice and helping of others, not for self. There’s an expectation of mission accomplishment, even at personal cost. Due to this long standing bias, reaching out for help is difficult for military people. Be patient and don’t give up!
11) Military service changes a person permanently and it’s okay. – Like anything else, it’s a culture with its own standards, traditions, jargon, stigma, good and bad moments. This culture changes the lens in which they see the world, develop their character and equip them with an invaluable set of skills that will serve them both in and out of uniform.
12) All veterans differ in how much they identify with the military after they leave active duty. – As in all cultures, some people are truly defined by their service and association with the military, while others consider it a part of their past and move on from it.
13) A military family serves along with the one that wears the uniform. Military families, spouses and children, have some of the most challenging circumstances in balancing relocations and deployments, and are the most resilient, strong, and confident as a result. Thank a military spouse for his or her service as well.
14) They are truly willing to die for each other and for their country. They would and they do. – Regardless of mission, political backdrop or who is leading our country at the time, they are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for those serving to their left and to their right.
15) They chose to make this sacrifice for one reason, to serve something more important than themselves. Those who signed on the line and wear the uniform live by a certain code: Honor, commitment and duty. They choose a life of service to protect and defend our flag, our freedom.
Next time you meet a veteran or someone actively serving in the military, start a conversation. Say thank you. Inquire about which branch they served and what job(s) they held. Ask how their service shaped them or how it plays a factor in how they define themselves today.
Learn more about HKY4Vets at http://www.hky4vets.com.
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