Have you ever felt compelled to do something for someone who has helped you along the way – even if they’ve never asked anything of you in return? This innate urge is not just a guilty tug on the conscience, but social psychologists call this most powerful law of human nature the “Law of Reciprocity.” It’s so powerful that you may even repay an act of kindness even more generously than the original good deed that was extended to you. One may try to resist this law, but as a human, the urge to respond to a good deed is deeply-rooted and natural.  

Individuals who understand this law of human nature, and furthermore, embrace this philosophy, from my experience, are the most effective at fostering quality relationships, and growing their social capital and even their business. These individuals genuinely dedicate themselves to giving or adding value to others first, rather than placing priority on their own needs or goals. 

We all know them, and remember them. The person who picks up the tab of the patron behind them in the drive-through line. The person who proudly passes referrals or writes a glowing review for all their followers to see on social media. The “problem-solver” who suggests a solution that works. The contact who knows your goals and nudges you over the finish line of a major milestone achievement. The “mayor of their village”, not literally, but one who you turn to when you simply don’t know where to go or who to ask. The person who compliments you in front of your peers or superiors. The individual who “shows up” in the mountain top moments, as well as, the “valley” moments. 

Each month we host a connection event we call, “First Friday Morning Brew.” This event was founded several years back to challenge the traditional view of “networking” towards “net-giving.” Net-giving embraces the law of reciprocity. Instead of showing up to fill your own needs, we challenge each individual to show up asking the question, “What can I do for you?” We’ve witnessed the power of this concept in action month after month, and although, not all who attend “get it” – many have adopted this philosophy which they say has transformed the way they live and do business. By the way, as a result, it has reaped returns beyond their expectations. 

What can my team or I do for you? We would consider it a high honor to serve you – as a resource, connection point, an advocate or just a friend, partner and greatest supporter.  

Contact me: lkeisler@catawbachamber.org    

I hope when you discover that a person you meet served in the military you always thank them for their service. But then what do you say? Like anything in which you associate yourself, it has a unique culture – ideals, standards, rituals, and even language – the military is no different. For those of us who have never served, we don’t need to know, nor do our veteran friends expect us to know, the details of expertise, rank and mission, but in order to better bridge the gap between yourself and veterans in your life, there are several things we can know and understand in order to show military cultural awareness and sincere empathy and gratitude.    

 PsychArmor Institute asked hundreds of veterans what they wanted civilians, employers, educators, health care providers, and therapists to know about them. To promote greater understanding of our veterans, I’d like to summarize their top fifteen responses with you. 

 1)      They are not all soldiers –  While many people, including the media, talk about military personnel as “soldiers” as a general term. This isn’t correct – “soldiers” are only in the Army. Although they all belong to the same team, military people are proud of their specific service branch. Knowing that the five branches of the armed forces are uniquely important, even if you don’t know the specifics, is key.

2)      Reserves are a part of the military –  Members of the reserves, who are seen in every branch, stay trained and ready to be called up when needed. They train one weekend per month and two weeks per year, but when not in uniform, they work in a civilian job in their own community.  

3)      Not everyone in the military is infantry – The range of careers in the military is vast and extremely diverse. Jobs range from mechanics, cooks, pilots and musicians to doctors, weapons specialists, military police, firefighters, air traffic controllers and thousands more job titles. Regardless of their MOS (Military Occupational Specialty), their skills, in combination with their leadership experience and self-discipline, make them highly sought-after employees in civilian workforce.

4)      They are always on duty – In the military, there are no days off. Even when on scheduled and approved leave, they have to be in the position to return to post, when called. 

5)      They have leaders at every level in the chain of command – Those who wear the uniform have a heightened sense of responsibility for others and accountability to others. Strong leadership is a foundation in their culture and is expected.  

6)      They take pride in their appearance, conduct and physical fitness – Even out of uniform they are held to a standard. Physical fitness matters in a real way. When they are called, they are responsible for fulfilling that mission. Moreover, all in military service are held to a standard called the Code of Military Justice. 

7)      Not all in the military have killed someone and those who have do not want to talk about it – even if you are curious – don’t ask, ever.

8)      They do not all have PTSD – There is a general misconception that all who deploy to combat develop PTSD. This is not true! Some develop symptoms, however while combat can be traumatic, it can also lead to great moments of reward and friendship.  

9)      Those who have invisible wounds are not dangerous or violent – Invisible wounds of combat are real injuries and cause real suffering. They deserve the same respect and treatment as physical injuries. 

10)   It is hard for those in the military to ask for help. – The military culture is rooted in service, sacrifice and helping of others, not for self. There’s an expectation of mission accomplishment, even at personal cost. Due to this long standing bias, reaching out for help is difficult for military people. Be patient and don’t give up!

11)   Military service changes a person permanently and it’s okay. – Like anything else, it’s a culture with its own standards, traditions, jargon, stigma, good and bad moments. This culture changes the lens in which they see the world, develop their character and equip them with an invaluable set of skills that will serve them both in and out of uniform.

12)   All veterans differ in how much they identify with the military after they leave active duty. – As in all cultures, some people are truly defined by their service and association with the military, while others consider it a part of their past and move on from it.  

13)   A military family serves along with the one that wears the uniform. Military families, spouses and children, have some of the most challenging circumstances in balancing relocations and deployments, and are the most resilient, strong, and confident as a result. Thank a military spouse for his or her service as well. 

14)   They are truly willing to die for each other and for their country. They would and they do. – Regardless of mission, political backdrop or who is leading our country at the time, they are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for those serving to their left and to their right.  

15)   They chose to make this sacrifice for one reason, to serve something more important than themselves.  Those who signed on the line and wear the uniform live by a certain code: Honor, commitment and duty. They choose a life of service to protect and defend our flag, our freedom. 

Next time you meet a veteran or someone actively serving in the military, start a conversation. Say thank you. Inquire about which branch they served and what job(s) they held. Ask how their service shaped them or how it plays a factor in how they define themselves today.  

Learn more about HKY4Vets at http://www.hky4vets.com.

The words, equally beautiful and potent, found in the Declaration of Independence, came to represent a moral standard to which the United States should strive. “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

However, the same words we hold true would not represent all lives, or should I say, all skin colors, as equal under the law until nearly two centuries later. Presently, all human beings in America are born free and equal; however, are all things equitable?

Equality is the state of being equal, especially in status, rights and opportunities. Having equity is different. It means just and fair inclusion into a society in which all can participate, prosper and reach their full potential.

Recent events have left me deeply convicted and disheartened. I have spent considerable time both in self-reflection, revelation and in contemplation regarding our organization and community, neighbors, co-workers, family members and friends. One resounding question continues to present itself — “Does a rising tide really float ALL boats?” Or do some boats have heavier anchors?

In taking a closer and deeper look at educational attainment, employment and business ownership, we have work to do, friends:

In Catawba County, the unemployment rate for African-Americans is nearly double the rate of white people. (American Community Survey)

White students in Catawba County are almost two times as likely to pursue education further than a high school diploma than their Black counterparts; and more than three times as likely as Hispanic students. (American Community Survey)

According to Kauffman, in 2018, white-owned firms had double ($2.38 million) the average sales of Asian ($1.19 million), Hispanic ($1.12 million), and Black-owned ($0.91 million) businesses.

Furthermore, Kauffman research shows that Black- and Hispanic-owned businesses have higher failure rates than do white- and Asian-owned firms.

These data points represent only part of the equation. If you are thoughtfully reflecting on this data like me (as opposed to interjecting “but ….” statements), other questions may come to mind. Questions like, “Why is this so?” or “How can this change?” or maybe even, “How can I do my part to impact positive change toward a more prosperous and more equitable Catawba County?” Here are only a few ideas to begin:

1. Listen, learn and reflect — If you look like me, you will never understand the experiences of racism or discrimination that our Black and brown friends have walked in their lifetime. I, and others like me, must choose to have the difficult conversation and ask the hard questions with a trusted friend or colleague. Ask, not to respond, but to learn and develop a deeper sense of empathy toward your neighbors, colleagues, fellow community members and friends.

2. Support minority-owned businesses in our community — Surely this goes without saying; however, increasing support for my Black and brown neighbors does not mean I intend to show less support to other businesses. I am not suggesting an either/or strategy, but giving more reasons to seek out, support and celebrate both. Here are only a couple reasons to add to those previously mentioned:

» Minority-owned businesses struggle with challenges that are common to all small-business owners — access to capital and contracts and finding reliable employees. More sales revenue, or having the opportunity to gain a new customer, has a direct impact on the success of their business.

» Data shows that Black businesses are more likely to hire Black employees, thus lowering the unemployment rate and helping more people of color achieve financial stability.

3. Identify and support ways to eliminate barriers to opportunity for people of color in our community — From educational attainment, skills development, diversity in the workplace, community leadership roles, access to entrepreneurship, housing, access to health care and more, how can we continue to look at each of these areas through a lens of equity?

So, knowing a little more than you did before reading this column, how would you objectively rank Catawba County now in terms of opportunities for all its citizens to prosper? My hope is that we can agree there is room, and motivation, to grow and change.

I look forward to continuing our work toward a more prosperous and equitable Catawba County and invite you to share your ideas, thoughts and perspective — email me at lkeisler@catawbachamber.org.